When you have to lie to yourself

I guess some are likely to say that lying to yourself is the worst thing you could possibly do. However, I think it's more relative than that. For example if you lie to yourself saying 'I definitely have lost weight....' compared with saying 'Nah, I didn't kill him' to the police, well, let's just say the latter takes presidence. I'm not talking about lies like these. I'm talking about when you tell yourself you don't love someone, when you do. Sometimes i consider, very briefly, running away, just running away, getting some clothes together, my lucky ring, a good book, a notepad, pulling some money out my arse and just finding somewhere. Somewhere where "He" isn't. Don't get me wrong, this isn't going to turn into a suicide plea. I'd never actually run away, sometimes it just seems like a nice idea. Then I wouldn't have to worry about going to bed at night and my thoughts, almost systematically turning south-east. The general direction of 'His' most likely whereabouts. It seems almost easy to tell myself I don't love him. For about 30 seconds (on a good day). But why, why oh why, must he make it so hard? If he didn't cuddle me and make silly jokes at my expense, I'd feel almost nothing for him. Almost. Surely thousands of teenagers around the world can empathise with me. Everyone's been through this tumultuous experience at least once. I'm sure that at some point I've put someone through this. And my God. I'm such a bitch. Because not knowing what is right, what is the truth and what is a lie, is something particularly difficult for anyone to grasp. I realise I haven't come to a specific conclusion in this my latest 'blog' but that's because there isn't one. There is no easy way out. God help you if ask the second party what the fuck is actually going on. (Social suicide and an easy 8.3 on the awkwardness scale) So I suppose, all us love drunk idiots should just do what's easiest. And lie, when he/she gets a new girlfriend/boyfriend, just laugh and act as normal, when they kiss you on the cheek before leaving, kiss their cheek and turn away, before they can see by your eyes that you want to keep them forever. And when they ask 'Baby, what's wrong?' you look to your right and tell the biggest, most common lie of all: 'I'm fine'. End.